Your Everything
by angels-slayer-lol
Summary: POVSongfic. During 'Adrift', Saywer has some time to think and comes to dome decissions reguarding Kate. SKATE


**Your Everything**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing blah blah blah.  
**Spoilers:** Everything up to 'Adrift' - Season 2  
**Summary:** POV During 'Adrift', Saywer has some time to think and he makes some decissions reguarding Kate.  
**AN: **This story came to me as i was listening to the beautiful Keith Urban song 'Your Everything'. the lyrics are in _italics_

* * *

Looking up at the night sky, I know the stars are mocking me as they twinkle high above. My shoulder hurts like hell and if it keeps bleeding it's gonna be the least of mine and Mike's problems.

Mike's fallen asleep after wearing himself out calling for Walt and I'm kinda pleased the shoutin's stopped, but now it's too quiet. Humming to break the silence sounds too harsh and without a fire there's no light to read…not that there's any reading material but still, all I got left with is my thoughts, my memories…her.

On the Island it was easy to get caught up in your thoughts but if you tried you could push them aside. There was always something to be done or something going on to distract yourself with, but now there was nothing. Not even the pain of my shoulder can distract me, and for once I don't want to try.

It's been just over a month since the crash, A lot can happen in a month, a lot can happen in a day.

_The first time I looked in your eyes I knew  
That I would do anything for you_

I'd seen Kate coming out of the jungle with Jack. She had looked a little queasy but hell, who didn't. For the first day or so I'd been content to just watch everyone. Help if absolutely needed but that was it. The doc seemed to be in charge which I could handle for the time, and the others kind of followed without question. Everyone was helpless and in need of guidance…except her.

Kate had...has a presence about her. A strength that outweighed the fear. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know at the time. She had a past, a few skeletons and a hell of a lot of emotional baggage but she hid it well and the result made her appear as a force to be reckoned with.

After the polar bear incident, I knew there was something about Kate I was attracted to and it wasn't the fact she obviously knew how to handle the gun. To the casual observer it seemed as if she was clueless but there was something a little too casual about the way she not only held the gun but then took it apart.

As she went to walk off, I couldn't resist it any longer, I wanted to touch her so I grabbed her arm as she started off, pulling her back so I could see further into those caged eyes.

_//Flashback// _

"I know your type!"  
"I'm not so sure."  
"Yeah, I've been with girls like you."  
"Not girls exactly like me."

_//End Flashback//_

I was floored. For the briefest moment I'd seen past the bars that locked her inside. I'd seen the girl, the pain, the need. In that second I knew that whatever she needed, however capable she might be, if there was some way I could help then I would. Kate may have been able to take care of herself but the girl inside was screaming for someone to take care of her. So I did.

She never asked me to help the air marshal, she never spoke a single word about it. One look was all it took and I never had a moments hesitation.

_The first time you touched my face I felt  
What I'd never felt with anyone else._

It wasn't long before people realised who they could come to for whatever it was they needed, and it wasn't long before I realised the one thing I needed wasn't in my posession. Jackass had his claws in that one.

When she came to me for the Inhalers I figured it would probably be my only chance. She took her sweet time and I got lessons in the art of torture...and not in a good way, but eventually she let loose.

She put her hands on my face and lent forward. When she kissed me I was shocked. I figured she'd pull away after a moment but she didn't. It took a few seconds for me to figure out what the hell was happening but once I did I wasnt complaining. I wasnt able to touch her but she touched me. Her fingers on my face were like lightning bolts, points of electricity that were designed to make me feel.

I'd told her before that I'd been with girls like her and she replied that those girls werent exactly like her. I'd never been more happy to be wrong. No girl had ever been like Kate, no girl would ever be like Kate.

I had no choice except tell her I didnt have the damn inhalers but in the end I was okay with that. So she may have slapped me and in a way it hurt more than anything else that day but the contact she made with my face once again had sparks shooting down my spine and I knew she would forgive me, after all a play like that could only be expected from an arrogant SOB like me.

_I wanna give back what you've given to me  
And I wanna witness all of your dreams_

When Claire was kidknapped, I got this strange feeling and that night I had a nightmare that it wasnt Claire missing but Kate. From the next morning I kept a much closer eye on her. Not that she needed it but hell, who knew what was out in that jungle.

Ever since our first day on the Island, Kate had given herself to everyone. She was there if something was needed. If something was wrong she'd be the one trying to fix it. She broke up the arguments and settled the fights. She rarely asked for anything and when she did it was generally for someone else not herself. Sure she had her secret, a secret that Doctor Boy seemed to know at least in part, a secret that kept her closed off, but she did what she could to not let it interfere with our 40+ family

Kate gave me an excuse to smile, even in jest. An excuse to feel something besides pain, both physical and emotional.

When we happened by the waterfall and pool I couldnt resist playing a little. There hadnt been much to smile about lately but it didnt stop me from wanting to try. Of course the bodies under the water put a dampner on things but hey, a guy takes what he can get and for even the shortest amount of time she was free.

The case held a small amount of amusement for a while, well for me any way. I was more interested in trying to find out what was in it that she wanted it so bad than actually keeping the contents. If she'd told me I would have given it over but oh no, she always has to do things the hard way. Although having her on top of me for even a little while was fantastic. Still, in the end I just handed the damn thing over to the Doc and once again he would know more about Kate than I ever would. She probably lied to him to get the case but at least she told him something.

That night I watched as she held up a little toy airplane by the fire. Something about that plane was important to her. I caught up to Jack as he was headed back to the caves. I asked him what lie she had used in explanation for the plane. I didnt figure he'd actually tell me but when he said that it had apparently belonged to the man she loved I looked up in shock. Not shock that Freckles had once loved someone but shock that Jack didnt believe her. I walked back to the fire and watched all night as she stared between the plane, the fire and the ocean. Somewhere along the way her dreams had been shattered and even if she never told me those dreams it was okay because having dreams once meant you could have dreams again and that was a good thing.

_Now that you've shown me who I really am  
I wanna be more than just your man._

I'm not really a feeling's kinda guy. As long as I get what I want in the end then its all okay. I'd learned to not get close to people or to care about any one or anything after my parents. You get close then your gonna hurt it's the way life is. But something about Kate makes me want to throw caution to the wind. When I'm around her I feel like James, not the bastard Saywer who has no life inside him. The arrogant SOB who feels dead with every breath. With Kate I can play the part but be someone totally different. I can be myself. So why the hell am I floating out to sea on a few bits of Bamboo with a hole in my shoulder instead of on the beach with food and painkillers. Simply because even though I know she won't allow herself to be rescued, I need to do something to try and save her.

_I wanna be the wind that fills your sails  
Be the hand that lifts your veil  
Be the moon that moves your tides  
The sun comin' up in your eyes  
Be the wheel that never rusts  
Be the spark that lights you up  
All that you've been dreamin' of and more  
So much more  
I wanna be your everything._

Over the past month its been hard, to see her every day but not be able to touch her. To know the good doctor is closer than I am is something I try not to think to much about. I want to get rescued, mainly so I can have a descent meal but at the same time I'd live off one mango a day if it meant that I'd at least get to see her.

When we finally get rescued, and call me optimistic but I dont think it'll be any time soon, I have no doubt that somewhere in the group of people waiting for us back home there's going to be a nicely dressed man all calm and collected waiting to take Kate off to who knows where. I don't even want to think about it and I try not to but in the back of my head I can't help but worry. Either she'll get locked up and I'll never see her or she'll go back on the run and I'll never see her. Either way I lose and losing ain't somethin I take quietly.

The night we played 'I Never', Kate had fallen asleep but I stayed awake. I watched as she slept. I watched as she began to dream. I watched as her dream became a nightmare and I watched as she began to reach out for something to cling to. I moved over to her and stroked her hair. I didnt think of the consequences of her waking up, who knows what I would have come up with as an excuse but thankfully she didn't. Instead she settled back down and within a few minutes she was once again sleeping peacefully. I stayed by her side for a little longer before tearing myself away and eventually going to sleep. I can just imagine the faces of all the people I'd ever met if they hear that story. 'Saywer taking the time to comfort someone out of genuine concern'. What they'd never be told is that I comforted her out of more than concern. It was that night i realised that I loved her.

When I heard about the raft I quickly bought a ticket. After all, its easier to run than to play with feelings.

_When you wake up I'll be the first thing you see  
and when it gets dark you can reach out to me_

I love her. Damn, why do I always get myself into these things. She has the Doc. Why why why!!! Why is it that everywhere she goes I have a need to follow. Everything she says I want to hear. What she thinks of me matters. I never cared what anyone thought till I met her. The fact that she knows I wear cologne. The fact that I'd do anything for her. I'm on this freaking raft because it's safer for her back on the Island. I fought for this place because at least this way I'd know where she is. Jackass will look after her. I need to keep her safe. I need to tell her how I feel. I need her to know that I love her. I love her.

_I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts  
I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost._

I dont know if its the fact that I'll probably never see her again thats making all these things go around my head. I mean I'm either going to bleed to death, die from lack of food or be rescued and have her wisked off somewhere. I doubt i'll ever see the island again but I wonder, if I did. Would things be the same as before? Would we continue to dance around the subject? Would I come clean? I do know that either way, Jacky would be the last person on this planet I'd tell, oh wouldn't that be an interesting conversation. Still I guess it doesnt matter.

The sun's starting to come up. Michael will be up soon and the screaming will start again. Maybe I'll be fortunate enough to slip into a coma before that happens.

Whatever happens I know one things for sure. I've always fought for what I wanted and what I've wanted I've always got. I've fought for her and I wont stop fighting. I want her and I wont stop wanting. One day I'll have her and I'll never let her go.

_I wanna be the wind that fills your sails  
Be the hand that lifts your veil  
Be the moon that moves your tides  
The sun comin' up in your eyes  
Be the wheel that never rusts  
Be the spark that lights you up  
All that you've been dreamin' of and more  
So much more  
I wanna be your everything._

**The End**

**Please review, i'd love you 4eva**


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